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Andrewoid Gems 04

Andrewoid  says:
I mean. I'm friends with YOU, aren't I?
(*)AurAdo(*)Current Mode: Scheming(6)An Apple a Day(8)Keeps the LESBIANS away(*) says:
What's that have to do with anything?

Andrewoid says:
The fact that, to the consensus. You're a bad influence~
(*)AurAdo(*)Current Mode: Scheming(6)An Apple a Day(8)Keeps the LESBIANS away(*) says:
I was born stupid so, indulge me?

Andrewoid says:
You have copious amounts of sex with others. You support the idea of me defecting from my morals. Your viewpoints are, by consensus standards, radical and inhuman at times
(*)AurAdo(*)Current Mode: Scheming(6)An Apple a Day(8)Keeps the LESBIANS away(*) says:

Andrewoid says:
That can be considered "Potentially corruptive or even lethal"
(*)AurAdo(*)Current Mode: Scheming(6)An Apple a Day(8)Keeps the LESBIANS away(*) says:
I'm honored .P
Andrewoid says:
But Hey, I don't see you that way

(*)AurAdo(*)Current Mode: Scheming(6)An Apple a Day(8)Keeps the LESBIANS away(*) says:
You're like the Pepper Potts to my Starkness, did you know that? Which inevitably makes me love you~
Andrewoid says:
Right... Goodnight Ado


I need some peace and loneliness... I feel guilty just to want it.. But I just want.. Nothingness...  

It ends as I DECREE

I thereby decree that if the world will ends in 2012, Squenix / TriAce needs to get their heads our of the asses and finish Valkyrie Profile 3 before 2011 or I'll hasten it up.


Sayonara, Sensei

 For as long as you were, and for all the years to come.

Your work and vision will always inspire us all.

Live forever, Satoshi Kon.

It might be silly to recall all the moments you gave me, and all that watched your work in detail. But from the moment I laid eyes on your humane perception and hope that there's always something BETTER in everyone. I felt a bit of light, regained.

I'll miss the works you couldn't give us, and I'll always keep the ones done, very close.

Personally, thank you for everything.


 "All a human being really has thru all his life, is a dream... And a very fickle smile"
Today. A dear Old friend has said goodbye.

Off to a new life. Off to a new set of important people. Off to a new story where "I" am not included.
Though it was unexpected, that is fine with me.  Perhaps it was long, long time ago when it should've happened.
I don't know.

He said "You've aged splendidly"
I felt grateful
He said "You've become the man you always wanted to have"
I felt stabbed

"Ado, you've become the man he always wanted to meet and to love"

To think that we first met when I was underage? To think that I told him my darkest secrets? To think that he could MAP me by memory and so...
"You are the man you searched for"

What a lonely statement... What a funny and ironic twist to the quest.
Why? Because I no longer need that man? Because I now am that man? 
Hehehe, what a joke. It' like I no longer need anything anymore.

The irony comes due to the fact, that even if that person slammed into my face, it would be pointless now.
Perhaps you're right sir, I became my own perfect match. And even tho it seems like solitude, it's terribly crowded up here. 
Thank you sir. We had a blast back in the day and now, I'm complete.

Dear Mr.Lion:

Now that you've chosen to turn us into a memory, i must say this to you.
Thank you. For being my friend.
Thank you. For showing me my missing bits.
Thank you. For making me realize the painful mirror of realities.
Thank you. For putting up with my emotions and my annoying moments while you stood by my side.
Thank you. For crushing my meaningless wishes.
Thank you. For all that you've done for me. Consciously or not. It ALL has been processed for my own advantage.

From this red heart, we wish you deliverance and joy. We know now that you wouldn't make it a day and just die, without them.
We know how frail you are behind the mighty and powerfully assured grin. We know how you curl up and cry when you are alone.
And so, once again we wish you completion. And may stars decide to grant you your favorite whims and desires.
Truly, hope you attain happiness before your time is up. May you live long.

Mark Wills - I do
All I am, All i'll be
Everything in this world, all that i'll ever be
Is in your eyes, shining at me
When you smile I can feel, all my passion unfolding

You hand brush is mine
And the thousand sensations
Seduce me 'cause I

I do, Cherish you
For the rest of my life
You don't have to think twice
I will, Love you still
From the depths of my soul
It's beyond my control

I've waited so long, to say this to you
If you're asking "Do I love you, this much?"
I do

Goodbye my dearest friend. There were never hard feelings. All has served a purpose in the end though it was "Uninvited"

I see you

Mika - I see you

I'm standing, across from you 
And dreaming, of the things I do 
I don't speak...
You don't know me at all 

For fear, of what you might do 
I say nothing..  But stare at you 
And I'm dreaming...
I'm trippin' over you 

Truth be told.  My problem's solved 
You mean THE WORLD to me, but you'll never know...
You could be cruel to me, while we're risking the way 
That I see you. That I see you

That I see you...

Conversations? Not me at all 
I'm hesitating..  Only to fall 
And I'm waiting,
I'm hating everyone...

Could it be, you fell for me? 
And any possible similarity?
If its all, how would I know? 
You never knew me at all..

But I see you 
But I see you
But I see you..

I'm standing, across from you
I've dreamt alone.. Now the dreams won't do

I'm standing, across from you
I've dreamt alone.. Now the dreams won't do

But I see you..

This one's for you Big Guy..
The more I've tried to say it.. The more I can only remain, hushed..
Scared that things between us as they have been... Turn for the worst.. And end up losing you, as always...
What a loser I am huh?  Heh...  I know that... 

But if you just...



 Sigh..   A little over 30 and still..  I feel in my 18's... or 20's...

"Your humanly forced conception of mature behaviour according to lifetime is indeed..   WRONG"

I'm just out of my bud .P  
I feel fresh, eager and energized as if I've just been born.
And even though i'm now very fond of ties and jackets, still won't trade my sneakers for leather shoes.

So once again, this doesn't feel like they said it would.  Guess one's age lies in one's mind, not in one's skin.

Bye MJ

 Heh!  The day some were claiming to come.   The day some others didn't ever want to come.
But mostly, the day we all thought it wouldn't come, has arrived.

Yes I'm a fan, and regardless of whatever his personal life was about. As an artist. His music, dancing, performance and starmade self was undeniably beyond other stars.
Even today, there are literally no other artist than can match him.  In that perfect bond of different visual talents on stage.

The passing of giant in world media history. I personally will miss him and his music. I was expecting a last album from him. One I could hear him perform while alive but it seems, that might never come.
As it marked my life since I was a kid, as all of my generation. And pop music today as i keep listening to "new" stuff, is still pretty much what he brought from his roots thru his style.

Enough has been written about him. So let's not over do it.
I'm gonna miss him on TV and the new stuff i never got to hear.
And regardles of the million posts of love and hate that are out there allready.  I owe him good memories attached to his songs and it's fair that I thank him.

Rest in peace (finally some peace) Michael Jackson

It's gonna be ODD to live in a world where he ain't somewhere doing something...

Throwing in the towel

 Life certainly blows this year.

I might lose my job.. Perhaps.. Myriam is not pleased with the office crew and surely stop covering our asses. The Dean will surely cut some heads off.  And since i'm not quite in the payroll, it's most likely that mine's gonna roll down the stairs.

My artwork has gone up fast in visual quality.. But their lacking a soul to show.  Looks like the same pasty thing over and over again..
I'd trade this graphic power for real artistic inspiration, or poetic composition to show, anytime.  Because i can't get things outta my head anymore..  And they're eating my peace, driving me insane at night.. And that is no good coz i can't sleep, thinking on how to get it out...

My old project was "delayed", not to say "cancelled" as my asian buyer chickened out hahaha...  It seems that the economic debacle is taking it's toll in the far east as well as in here..  He says that he'll gather up for 2010 but I know he's allready setting a new project with an artist I just so happen to know well..    Ooh back stabbed .D 
But honestly, I'm wishing this artist i know makes it instead of me.. I just so happen to like him and we're friends after all.  Maybe once he hits it, he can lend me a hand?  And if not well, it was the SCOUT'S thing to do.
Hell!!  Even 2 of my asian artists friends are being doublecrossed like me.  It's so unfair to them.

Mother's not getting a lot better, day by day she just walks that hall, down..  She doesn't want to trust any doctos anymore and if that goes, well WTF.. Gonna have to force her to do it?  She'll hate me for it but it's the only way.

"Regio" got back in my life a while ago, he's been the same kid he's always been. Same old failed dreams, same old attitude flick. Nothing new, just homemade porn and a powered up need to keep young.  It's uncomfortable seeing him like this but, he's entitled to live his life as he desires, right?  Still wondering if I'm really a bitch, or just a poser. Heh..  Wonderful little traditions.

I've kicked some of my "friends" out of my life.  Many reasons attached, many sad endings to go with. My contact list, phonebook and RL bonds keep getting smaller.  I'm at 40% of my social life as before and still going down.

Those of my remaining friends are leaving me as well. Perhaps i'm being a bitch to them but as much as I think i'm trying hard to smile and get along, the more they seem to be irked at my presence, i don't get why, I can get to feel guilty of pushing the away somehow but i swear i'm being as nice as I can in these moments, what am I to do?  Clown around to please them when i barely have self sustaining battery life?

And you!  Wuffy you should know better than just stare at me with your unamused mug like yer the only one that's got it so hard. From all the posers I know, i thought you were a tad more real.  I'm so dissapointed of you...

Since my outspoken, art depression.  Many, many guys have "fallen in love" with me.. Sending me letters, questions, and even open love proposals.  Ranging from art infatuation, to deep poetry, skank flirting and even a couple who speak or ETERNAL DEVOTION... What?
"Let's date, yer a great artist" "Let me love you, you're a great guy" "i love you, you are beautiful" and all..
I feel flattered, i feel humbled and thankful but...   I can't just go "OH SURE, LET'S" when i barely know any of them.  Most of all, I've been thru this so many times before, it's all a fleeting infatuation and in no time.. Love just died and i'm left with a "oh um.. Let's just be friends k?"
I'm so not going thru those games again.

My ex and I are still friends.. I'm happy that things could settle down to this and not end up hating eachother. My heart tells me that I should ask him if we're still feeling for eachother, as I know I do... But that would just be poking a wound that is supposed to heal and shut. I got so many regrets and owe him lots in my heart.  I'm still puzzled on how should I proceed.. But it seems that "personal space" works fine for us.

Mr. India represents everything i wanted in a guy, except that it seems..  He's not "that" interested in me..  "Yeah you're SO HOT Ado, yeah you're awesome, yeah you COULD be exactly what I need, yeah maybe...."  
Perhaps he's not into me at all..  And I'm beggining to wonder if he is interested in anyone.  Or even cares to place his feelings on someone.  Yet my heart tells me to cool down, he just got out of a failed relation and perhaps he's still fixated on that lost love.  That would make him even more precious as he's true to his feelings.   But it hurts a bit, just a bit that I can't represent anything to him.  I even question myself if I can call myself his "friend", if he even cares....  Heh.. I'm such a picker... lol

Not to mention the stupid and ridiculous level of expenses i'm having...  Not only in daily life, but my car is practically living of my liver. It just doesn't fix..   I hate this shithole town where NO ONE, and I MEAN NO ONE knows their own jobs..   This place is crowded with improvisation and fake capabilities.  Thiefs..  

All i have lately is my job, my art, and my family.
No friends, no love, no leisure or anything fun.
But most of all... Even tho I'm alone, almost broke, taking care of the ill, uninspired/slump/frustrated and practically on the verge of psychosis...

I feel numb.  I'm not crying, i'm not sighing, i'm not even looking down..  My eyes are stuck forward. I feel nothing.
I'm not sure if being numb and emotionless about it is actually better than being sucked down to the crying hole...
But i can't even DARE to analyze it..  I'm scared shitless to face it. I'm trying hard to keep looking forward, like a driven doll.

So, for now..  Walk on.  I'm walking on.  I'm hoping things get a tad better before I look back and the shit train catches up with me.
Walk walk walk Ado, walk...

"It doesn't matter, coz i'm packing plastic.
And that's what makes my life, so fucking fantastic"
-Lily Allen